woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
