and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
