i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize