what day is it and did you see me today?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize