The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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