My sheets look like a crime scene.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
