his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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