Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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