just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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