Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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