my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Never joke about your clitoris.
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