Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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