please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
