so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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