she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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