Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
