you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
