this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
