Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
