they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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