four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
