Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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