Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
