never play flip cup with pint glasses
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
