got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
