I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
