No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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