i barfeds in our rink
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
