His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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