conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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