the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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