I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
