dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
