this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner