What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
