I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
