so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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