Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
pray to the hookup gods
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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