Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
