so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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