The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
