Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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