It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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