well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
