uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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