Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
