Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
