My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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