Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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