i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!