Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi