the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......