Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk