kristin has been a bad kristin
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize