she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
