I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
