they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
