first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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