I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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