So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
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She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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