Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
