Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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