yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
