So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
