Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
