I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
