You work out of a Hotel?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
