This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize